I’ve hated my body my whole life.
And when I say hated, I don’t mean just disliked parts of it. Some days, I felt so ugly that I wouldn’t even go outside.
Even writing these words makes me cringe thinking back at all the years I’ve wasted being that mean to myself.
For the past few years, I’ve been silently suffering with autoimmune issues. It caused my skin to look like I was 80 (ladies, I know you can relate to how unfortunate that is), it was painful and raw and sometimes I’d wake up swollen and not even being able to move.
Doing what I do for a living, I was determined to get it under control and out of my life. As a proper Type A, I was trying to force it out of me.
Fuming with frustration at all of my failed attempts and with each attempt, making my issue worse and worse.
How come I could help client after client with their issues but could not help myself?
And this year, things spiralled out of control. I almost died of Dengue Fever and because my immune system was so weak, things just got even worse.
Something had to change. So I went to the drawing board and I started with changing my approach.
I decided that instead of pushing so hard to get rid of this, hating how my condition and punishing myself with harsh words and thoughts, I would take the same approach I take with any of my clients - an approach of love, support, kindness and patience.
Have you ever noticed how nice we can be to everyone else but how cruel we are to ourselves? Those four words regularly flow out of me towards everyone else but it was the first time I’ve actually intended them towards myself.
And so I started embracing what was happening to me and noticing what it was here to teach me. I intentionally decided to allow it to teach and guide me instead of hating it for making me miserable.
I started extending kindness and love to myself on daily basis and decided that my condition was not going to hold me back.
And things started getting better.
My healing journey has been all about practicing what I preach and it is a daily practice. I had to unlearn years of negative self talk, negative self image and self judgement.
What are some of the things you need to unlearn?
It’s time to top hating yourself and it’s time to stop punishing yourself.
In order to move towards what you want, you need to give yourself full permission to be who you are and that means healing the old wounds that are keeping you stuck and holding you back.
So, do the work. Stop criticizing yourself and start extending the same loving kindness to yourself that you do to your children, friends and loved ones. It’s the most important work you can do.
You deserve it, you are worth it and you can heal when you start allowing life to happen instead of always pushing against it.
REMEMBER, you already have all the answers within you. All you need is to look within and listen.
With love, ilona